I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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