I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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