god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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