I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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