there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
