He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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