I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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