true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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