i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
