We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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