maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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