He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
