He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
