I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
