Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
