You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
