you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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