take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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