I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
