is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
