Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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