it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
