Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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