Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm passing your future prison.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
