The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize