Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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