I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize