So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize