Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
