i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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