Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
