Cold hands, warm shart.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
