I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
