Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize