i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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