I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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