I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
