It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
