he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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