nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
