Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize