dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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