Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
