so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
