So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
