No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
