i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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