how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
