Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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