Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
