He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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