people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
