He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
