jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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