the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
