ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize