so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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