if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
