he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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