butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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