Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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