I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
