3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
