three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
