I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
