so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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