when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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